Halifax — Local neo-Nazi group The Aryan Park Boys say they are in “shock” after a New York Times article detailed several allegations of sexual misconduct on the part of Adolf Hitler, the late Nazi leader.
The Führer has been accused by 16 of his few living associates who say they witnessed him regularly groping der arsch and die genitalien of his Nazi underlings while they worked for him.
The scandal has resulted in the swift cancellation of a large-scale neo-Nazi rally planned to take place later this week in front of City Hall. The Facebook page and Spotify playlist for the event were quietly removed this past weekend.
In fact, David Anderson, the longtime leader of the Boys, says that the future of the group itself is “uncertain.”
“I guess the question is,” he said, running his hand thoughtfully over his skin-head, “are you able to separate the man from the message?”
Some claim that they are not at all surprised to hear these stories about the late dictator being brought to light.
“Uh, I mean, how could anyone not see this coming,” said 20-year-old Dalhousie student Clarissa May. “Personally, I hated Hitler even before these allegations.”
“Going forward, we’re really going to have to reassess our values,” said Anderson, sadly.
Is there any question in his mind about the validity of these claims? “No, I believe the stories,” he said firmly. “Because I believe victims.”
He paused briefly.
“Unless they’re Jewish, of course.”