Halifax — A young Haligonian wants to challenge the president of the United States to a basketball game after having seen news footage of “45” handing out paper towel to Puerto Rican residents in a basketball free-throw style.
Malcolm Hiltz of King Street in Halifax has written to the white house to issue the official challenge to the 71-year-old billionaire president. So far he’s had no official reply. The Manatee obtained a copy of the letter from 22-year-old Hiltz that says:
“Dear Mr. President:
I saw the recent coverage of yourself handing out paper towel to the people of Puerto Rico and I must say I’m as impressed with your apparent basketball skills as I am with your policies. I would like to issue you a formal challenge for a one-on-one basketball match here in Halifax, Canada.
I propose traditional street rules, of course. I’ll look forward to your reply. It may be easiest and most efficient to reach me via twitter. I’m at @BaconSlayer.
Cordially, Malcolm Hiltz.
P.S. I’ve enclosed a map showing where Halifax is.”
Hiltz told our reporter he understands that Trump is a busy man, “you know with golf, working 9-4-30, yelling at CNN or Hillary Clinton, and stalking Ivanka — he has his hands full. Plus implementing all of those policies…but if Obama can have a beer with a guy surely the MAGA president can play some quick hoops.”
Hiltz is hopeful, however, that Trump will be able to come play ball with him sometime before “the Liberals” have him locked up.
To offset some of the costs associated with venue rental, Hiltz has started a Patreon page where donors will receive merchandise that commemorates the event.
“I plan to offer T-shirts, autographed basketballs, and of course MAGA hats,” he explained. “I’m sure the president will have other things he’ll want to sell. Maybe time-shares or something?”
Hiltz hopes the event will spark local interest and attract tourism, and add some levity to an otherwise bleak news cycle.
“I know the president cares very deeply about issues in America, such as respecting national anthems by way of standing at attention. So, to encourage a response, I’ve also enclosed a picture of myself kneeling in front of a flag,” he said. “That ought to guarantee at least a Twitter shoutout.”