Fredericton — After completing its most recent budget, the city of Fredericton discovered that it had an excess of $100,000 going into 2020.
Eschewing the planned half-cent tax rate cut, city council has decided to spend the extra capital on the following initiatives:
-Building a wall between the north and south sides, and filling the St. John River with crocodiles.
-Digitizing the local art facility, updating it to the “Beaverbrook Content Gallery.”
-Paying the police and the firemen to kiss each other.
-Auditing the Farmers’ Market, ensuring those subsidized E-I-E-IOUs are paid in full.
-Shaving off the corners of Officers’ Square to make it a roundabout.
-Doling out hush money to notorious stud Mike O’Brien’s various mistresses.
-Surgically removing Blaine Higgs’s nose from Arthur Irving’s asshole.
-Getting St. Thomas accredited as a real university.
-Expanding Harvest into a Jazz, Blues & K-Pop festival.
-Finally converting Odell Park into a landfill, like they had always planned.