Fredericton — Was it a typo, incompetence, or sibling rivalry? Rumours have been swirling around the provincial capital since the Progressive Conservatives sent out a fundraising email this past week, which referred to the premier as “Brian Higgs.”
Today, Blaine Higgs’s twin brother Brian emerged from the shadows to take responsibility for the blunder — one of the many that Brian apparently has committed throughout his lifetime.
“I’m sure many are familiar with the concept of an ‘evil twin’ from pop culture. Brian is…well, the ‘dumb twin’ unfortunately,” confided family insider Bertha Higgs. “Blainey got all of the brains, and Brian — well, he’s got a great personality. Well, kind of…actually, not really…not at all. But I love them both.”
The mustachioed Higgs twin travelled a very different path in life compared to his well-known brother. While the premier moved to Saint John where he had a successful career with Irving Oil, brother Brian spent his most of his life in Minto getting fired from minimum wage jobs and conjuring up failed get-rich-quick schemes. Before working for the PC Party, Brian listed his main occupation as “professional Atlantic Lotto player.”
“Blaine’s mom guilted him into hiring his twin brother to work on fundraising,” confided deputy leader Robert Gauvin. “Brian is a nightmare, and you can quote me on that. I don’t care who knows, I tell everyone who will listen! He’s 100 per cent the reason we can’t afford muffins at our party meetings anymore. It’s total bullshit!”
“Yes, it was totally my fault! Stupid! Stupid!” Brian Higgs lamented to the media scrum, repeatedly smacking his forehead with his fist. “Blainey’s got all of the good words, Brian’s a dummy! Bad Brian!”
“Now don’t be like that, Brian!” said the premier, entering the room and putting his arm around his brother. “We all make mistakes.
“Hey, want to go for ice cream? My treat!” asked the premier, as the brothers left the room together.