New Brunswick — While there was some small degree of controversy on Tuesday over Liberal MP Dominic LeBlanc’s recent picks for judicial appointments, no lawyer in the province is willing to present a legal challenge. Why? They want in.
“Sure, it might be a little…unconventional to appoint only your friends and family for the positions,” said judicial hopeful Andy Malcolm, “but hey, that’s cool. That’s what we like about ol’ Dommie…That’s what his friends call him. Dommie. I’m one of them…his friend, I mean. Best friend, really — do you think he’ll see this article?”
Recent appointments include LeBlanc’s neighbour, his cousin, his barber, his Rottweiler Jackie and his electric guitar Trigger.
While several of these appointees have no legal background whatsoever, other potential applicants have not contested his decision or questioned his integrity. On the contrary, several of them have praised his choices, and celebrated his selection process. Many have even expressed interest in showing their appreciation for his diligence by inviting him to family barbecues, fancy dinners and trips away.
“Everyone has just been so nice,” Leblanc told The Manatee. “I mean, check this out — This one lawyer I know, Mitch Casey, sent me this $400 bottle of wine. For no reason!”
“Oh, that,” Casey told The Manatee, later. “I was at the liquor store anyway. It’s just wine. Dom’s my buddy — I don’t mind picking up a gift or two every once in a while for my friends. Wines, fruit baskets…and, hey, what’s the occasional handjob between bros?”
Not all of the province’s judicial wannabes are willing to debase themselves to try and befriend LeBlanc. No…some are instead using 23andMe to determine whether they have some familial connection with the minister.
“I’m actually his 16th cousin, four times removed,” said prosecutor Lisa Cooper, proudly. “Friends come and go, but I’m sure he’d much rather appoint an actual member of his lineage over these fair-weather pals of his.
“After all, as our great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great grandmother used to say, blood is thicker than water.”