Cambridge, MA — After decades of intense study, leading experts now recommend that people think before they speak.
“If you don’t think before you speak, you may say something ridiculously stupid,” said Harvard Medical School professor Dr. Ashley Rice, 54. “It’s not that hard to just like, you know, take two seconds to prevent making yourself look bad. Especially in public.”
The researchers emphasized that failing to think before speaking had larger ramifications for human civilization as a whole.
“It’s amazing how many people just don’t do this,” said Dr. Jeff Maxwell, 47, a researcher at MIT. “Sometimes I take time out of my day to ponder where we would be as a society if everyone at least tried to think before they speak.
“When you speak without thinking, your co-workers, friends and family have to put up with the consequences, and quite frankly, that’s disgusting,” Dr. Rice added. “Please heed our advice or consider shutting the fuck up. It’s not just about you.”
While many researchers around the world consider the study’s findings groundbreaking, others, including many New Brunswickers, have taken offence.
“Yeah, I don’t get what these so-called scientists are saying. In any case, I speak before I think all the time,” said New Brunswick resident and dumbass Nathaniel, 29. “Doing so doesn’t cause me any problems.
“Since we are talking about communication issues though, I’m curious: does anyone know why my girlfriend won’t talk to me?”