New Brunswick — The Picture Province’s many majestic waterfalls are part of what make our home just so picturesque. If you’re feeling adventurous this summer, get outside and off the beaten path to track one of them down!
Mounting evidence suggests that New Brunswickers can’t enjoy a waterfall expedition without bringing their damned Tim Hortons along and leaving cups everywhere to ruin the ecosystem as well as the view. So, since we know you’re going to do it anyway, here are our fave five waterfalls to visit and trash.
- Dunbar Falls: This spot is — or was — a gorgeous locale to spend an afternoon in southern New Brunswick. We’d tell you how to get there, but chances are, you’ve already visited with your three dogs and your double-double, taken a selfie to show how outdoorsy you are, then left a plastic bag of dog shit on the shore, along with your sodden Tims cup with its plastic lid. Thanks for ruining it for the rest of us.
- Hays Falls: These falls along the Maliseet Trail near Nackawic are the highest in New Brunswick. The water cascades for metres over the jagged rocks to amazing visual effect. Think how great it will be to visit with a group some Saturday and leave maybe four Tims cups in the formerly pristine water? You’ll also just chuck that cardboard tray they gave you at the drive-thru into the stream, so fish get trapped and killed. Why not, right? Everyone else does it.
- Fall Brook Falls: This surreal spot in the Boiestown area has a $10 access fee, which basically means you’re allowed to litter everywhere — I mean, hey, you’re paying just to get in! Since you’re probably going to bring your smokes too, be sure to leave the butts along the shore, or sitting in the bottom of your Tims cup, absorbing the last of that greyish-brown coffee. Then chuck the whole mess directly into the falls and continue your hike. It’s the New Brunswick way!
- Welsford Falls: Welsford, not far from Saint John, has some beautiful waterfalls just waiting to be completely fucked over for future generations. In order to get there, you’re probably going to want to lay waste to the surrounding landscape with your friggin’ four-wheelers. May as well really tear it up, because you only live once! Leave something behind — like a soggy Tim Hortons cup — so other people know you were there.
- Howland Falls: We can already hear some of you dummies asking: “What if I forget to go to Timmies before I get to the waterfall?” Have no fear! You can easily ruin our natural wonders with your Alpine bottles, too, and we know you have beer in that truck of yours. Drink ’em, smash ’em, and leave ’em. A great spot to do so? Howland Falls off the Howland Falls Trail.
Obviously, there are plenty of falls in New Brunswick we didn’t have time to include in this list. But you know the drill: get out there and demolish nature with your Tims trash!