New Brunswick — Being in the public eye all the time in no way makes you an extrovert, according to a recent survey by a UNB professor who asked not to be named due to his crippling shyness. The professor said that although many high-profile New Brunswickers seem to be outgoing, at heart, many tend toward introversion, which is both an actual personality trait and a popular online trend.
“It’s at the point where it’s cool to call yourself an introvert,” said the prof, “even if you’re clearly outgoing and highly attention-seeking by nature. The popularity seen by introversion on social media lately has made it easier for certain NBers in the public eye to come out as introverts.”
The professor’s survey revealed some fairly surprising results; here are some New Brunswick introverts who seemed like extroverts all along:
- Blogger Charles LeBlanc: Sometimes true introverts overcompensate and act out in the other direction, a fact embodied by this loud, obnoxious public figure. “I carry this megaphone around all the time because I’m worried that, if I just relax and act like a normal person, no one will understand who I really am!” yelled LeBlanc. “I can’t stand the thought of just fading into the background!”
- Dr. Eilish Cleary: It seems Dr. Cleary actually got fired on purpose so she could stay at home and watch The Walking Dead instead of having to make small-talk with dozens of people at work. It makes sense, if you think about it.
- Jamie Irving: This one may not be so surprising because Irving does tend to make himself impossible to track down when reporters have any questions about his portion of Irving dynasty, Brunswick News, Inc. But yeah, this rotund redhead is an introvert, too. “Mr. Irving has no comment on this matter,” wrote his representative, before we even told them why we were attempting to contact the media baron.
- That annoying guy you work with: You know that guy who insists on barging into your cubicle the second you arrive at the office to tell you about his latest trip to Greece? Well, believe it or not, he’s an introvert. Yeah, we didn’t think so either, but he says he is. Weird.
- Your mom: While your mom may seem to be extroverted because she’s always telling you what she thinks about your life choices, she told us that her true disposition is really quite inward-looking. “I just want what’s best for you, so I have no choice but to speak my mind,” she said. Now you know.
- Robert “Gas Guru” Jones: “I have a calling — I can accurately predict gas prices,” said Jones. “Would I rather stay home in bed with a good book? Yeah, of course. But when you have a gift of this magnitude, you’re obliged to share it with the world. It’s my burden to bear.”
- Saint John Mayor Mel Norton: The attractive Port City mayor admits that he, too, is actually an introvert. “Trust me, I’d prefer to cuddle up with my dog and watch a film noire than to conduct a board meeting or do an interview,” said Norton, blushing deeply. “But if I didn’t step up to the plate, I’d have to let Greg do the talking for me. And I just don’t trust him to do a good job, if I’m being honest.”
- Fredericton Mayor Brad Woodside: “I got bullied into running for mayor when I pretty young,” said Woodside. “At that point I didn’t even know I was an introvert. Now that I realize it, I don’t even want to run again. I’m pretty sick of talking to people day in and day out. Can’t a guy just stay home and write poetry without everyone riding his ass? Ugh, Fredericton.”
- Premier Brian Gallant: With a dazzling smile, stunning blue eyes and perfect hair, why would this man want to hide? We have no idea, but apparently our very own premier is introverted. When he doesn’t say hi to you at the gym, don’t be offended — it’s just who is is, deep down.