Listicle: Top 8 foods that don’t count as office party contributions

Atlantic Canada — ‘Tis the season for work Christmas parties, Yankee swaps, and festive dinners of all descriptions. Many of these events are potlucks, meaning it’s your chance to show what you can bring to the table, literally.

Because some people still don’t seem to understand what counts as a real contribution to your office party, we at The Manatee have made a handy list of potluck no-no’s.

1. A bag of chips: If you bring a bag of plain Lay’s that’s mostly air to begin with, you’ll probably be fired from your job, no matter how much your boss likes you.
2. A vegetable tray: “Digesting celery uses more calories than celery contains.” Do you know who wants to be reminded of this fact — or even hear the word “calories” — at Christmas? Nobody! This is a weak move. If you’re going to bring a pre-made tray from Superstore, better opt for the meat and cheese one.
3. A fruit tray: While this is nowhere near as weak as the dreaded veggie tray, half the time they’re made of mostly honeydew of cantaloupe, which are always left in their own murky juices at the bottom of the tray after the strawberries and grapes have been picked over.
4. Plates, cups, or napkins: These aren’t edible, which should tip you off to the hard truth that they don’t count. You can bring these along with the food item you made or bought, but they are not standalones. Come on — everyone knows this.
5. Nothing: So you’re going to let Gina from accounting make her family’s famous Swedish meatballs and Dave from IT bring a vat of slow-cooked ribs, and you think no one will notice that you put zero effort in? Maybe you should be fired, at this point.
6. A two-litre Big 8 pop: Considering the punch someone made is mostly the same pop you brought, what does this really add? And who even drinks pop when there’s beer or mulled wine to lubricate the awkward small-talk between co-workers?
7. A small container of two-bite brownies: They aren’t actually too bad in theory, but as the name suggests, those brownies are tiny and you should bring something everyone can enjoy. At least spring for the big pack of them.
8. Your weird diet: Everyone at a Christmas party just wants to be a pig and eat everything in sight. Don’t be one of those people who puts next to nothing on their plate, then constantly explains that their veganism or fake gluten allergy doesn’t allow for anything pleasurable in life.

If you want to impress your office mates and keep your job, bring something like a hashbrown casserole or a cheesy taco dip or a chocolate cake with boiled icing — and be sure to avoid these 8 list items.