St. Stephen — Owen Jones challenged his wife of 7 years to a fateful game of Mario Kart on their Nintendo Wii on Sunday. Owen, a self-described casual gamer who claims to be “better than average,” was comfortably in the lead going into the third and final lap of the Moo Moo Meadows course when disaster struck — he ran into a cow on the course and couldn’t regain control of his cart.
“At that point I felt a lump of sheer panic rising in my throat, but I thought I might still be far enough ahead to be fine,” said Jones, recalling his sweaty palms and fast-beating heart.
His wife Kathy Jones, playing as Princess Peach, was hopelessly in dead-last place until she was fortunate enough to get the holy grail of Mario Kart: three stars in a row. She managed to pass every racer, including her husband, with only two turns left in the race. Owen, panicking, tried to cover up his poor driving by hurriedly stating that he thought the batteries were dying in his Wiimote as it had just turned off for a few seconds.
Owen frantically tried to gather his composure and race his wife to the finish line, but to no avail. He ended up finishing in fourth place behind Luigi in third, Bowser in second, and his wife in first place.
“It was exhilarating, and it really put Owen in his place. There’s no such thing as a man’s game,” said Kathy post-race, breathing heavily with the fervor of glory burning in her eyes while Owen shamefully stared at the taunting “win” animation on the screen.
“I think this really changed the dynamic of our whole relationship,” she added.
Kathy offered to give Owen a rematch, but he wanted to buy some new batteries first.