Saint John — As humans, we are faced with the gravest of challenges while at the same time forced to endure a few basic laws of nature, those laws of course being thermodynamics, gravity, and a little ditty put forth by an Irishman named “Murphy,” presumably from Chatham, Miramichi.
According to Interstellar, a science fiction film by Christopher Nolan, Murphy’s Law states that “whatever can happen will happen.” Dale Wilson of Saint John was unfortunately not exempt from this law midday Monday.
“It seems like every time my boss walks by my desk I have non-work-related work stuff going on,” he said. “I work really hard and my output is always top notch, but he always catches me at the wrong times!”
Wilson, 24, who works at an advertising company in Saint John’s uptown area, went on to explain:
“It was right before lunch; I was hungry and just wanted to see if some friends wanted to go to Subway or something. So I logged into Facebook and loaded up the chat feature. Right then and there, my supervisor walked by. Incidentally, I also had a tab open for Indeed.com, a job site. My overt motion of closing Facebook only made him look sooner and when I closed the tab, it revealed Indeed.com, insinuating I was looking for work elsewhere. It sucks because before my boss walked by, I had some pretty impressive-looking pie charts and Excel spreadsheets up on my screen, which would have definitely legitimized my existence at the company.”
The Manatee‘s news staff thought Wilson was finished with his story, but he just kept going:
“I closed the job bank tab only to reveal a reaction GIF of Anthony Hopkins from the bear movie The Edge. I closed that tab and it revealed a PowerPoint presentation titled ‘Why I dislike my job.’ I quickly saved the changes to the presentation before closing it, but after I did my computer starting playing ‘Fight For Your Right (to Party!)’ by the Beastie Boys via Songza. After shutting that awesome tune down, somehow a little monkey in full clown regalia in party-mode jumped on my desk and started juggling an apple and banana I had been saving for my allotted 5-minute afternoon nutrition break.”
We later learned Wilson somehow managed to install a 1997 version of Netscape Navigator on his 2015 Macbook Pro in hopes of avoiding the same tab-related problems in the future. He is still unsure of the origin or whereabouts of the party monkey.