Fredericton — The day could not have gotten off to a better start for Megan Currie, a 28-year-old Frederictonian who awoke to the sun shining and the pleasant thought of spring just around the corner.
“It started as one of those mornings where you just feel like you can accomplish all of your wildest dreams,” Currie told The Manatee.
Currie made herself a nice, healthy breakfast and a hot cup of tea. All of the neighbourhood birds swooped in and perched on the windowsill, singing a song as she waltzed around the kitchen.
She then proceeded upstairs to get ready for the day, feeling especially good about the new outfit she just bought, which, somehow, already had a crisp $5 bill in the pocket. Afterwards, she opened her laptop to catch up on her emails and check up on the latest news from her beautiful province of New Brunswick. That’s when everything went to shit.
“I ended up on the CBC New Brunswick page, and after reading a news article I accidentally scrolled down to the bottom where the — shudders — comments section is.”
Currie had scrolled to the point of no return.
“My mom always warned me about the CBC comments section, but since I was already there, I thought I’d look around for a reasonable, respectful discussion. I mean, it’s 2018, right? Boy, was I wrong.”
Currie went on to describe the foulness that came from the depths of the comment sections that we unfortunately can’t repeat on this family-friendly news platform.
“My day was ruined after that — my mood was shot. It started raining, the birds all left, and I spilled a huge mustard stain on my outfit. To make it all worse, the $5 bill was a fake.”
Currie urged us to tell our readers to not make the same mistake.
“Just don’t do it,” she warned, looking dejected. “There’s been a dark cloud following me around ever since.”
We got word that Megan Currie died later that afternoon, of generalized annoyance, disdain and frustration — a condition that has yet to be named but that has to be caused by reading the dozens of comments idiots leave on every CBC story. The Manatee sends our condolences to her family.