Saint John — According to several eyewitnesses at a Scotiabank ATM on King Street, an unidentified piece of human garbage is currently conducting a banking transaction that would normally involve an hour-long consultation with a financial adviser.
Even though several minutes have passed, the lumbering inconsiderate shithead is now taking out another goddamn envelope and tediously stuffing god-knows-what into it and taking his sweet merry time all the while.
“There’s about a 5-second gap between every button he presses,” said fed-up local Martin Young. “Seriously, what the fuck are you doing?!”
The asshole’s painstaking transaction has reportedly included multiple deposits, withdraws and a marathon of receipt printing. “I thought he was done and then he pulls out another frigging bank card,” said a clearly irate Linda Johnston of the sloth-like ass-hat who’s been holding up the ATM for what now seems like an eternity. “Who the fuck has two bank cards for the same fucking bank?! Christ almighty! This is even worse than waiting behind those losers buying lotto tickets.”
As of press time the intolerable slowpoke is currently reviewing the last of his several receipts as those waiting behind struggle to suppress their murderous rage.