Fredericton — Taking note of how frequently his cigarette-loving co-workers step outside for some “fresh air,” Service Canada employee Trent Robinson, 34, has decided to take up smoking.
“I made it through my teens and twenties without a cigarette — and I was proud of that, you know? — but now it just doesn’t make sense to keep it up,” said Robinson, awkwardly fumbling with his lighter out behind the Service Canada on Queen Street.
“I know these things are disgusting, make your teeth brown and cause cancer, but it’s worth it to be able to get out of the office more. Now every hour on the hour I stand outside for 15 minutes and no one says shit about it!”
Lifelong smoker Alicia Norris, 42, works with Robinson.
“Well it’s about time!” she rasped, slapping her co-worker on the back with a yellow-stained hand. “I knew you’d come over to the dark side eventually.”
Norris said that any given day, she spends at most 45 minutes doing actual work.
“I divide the day up pretty good with a smoke break before I go in, a smoke break before my coffee break at 10, a quick smoke break after coffee break, another one before lunch, another one after lunch, and two more before the end of the day.
“What’s great about smoking is that it’s an addiction and a disease — so good luck firing me for it!”
Cigarettes are notoriously expensive, but Robinson claims he’ll limit his consumption to one cigarette per break, and he’ll never smoke on weekends.
“Well yeah, it’s a waste of money if you’re not doing it purely for those sweet smoke breaks,” he said, coughing heartily. “And on the weekend I’ll eat vegetables, go for a run, and drink water — it’ll all balance out in the end.”
At press time, several non-smoking employees had left their desks to spy on the smokers, a mix of envy and curiosity on their faces.