Moncton — The limited time pineapple stuffed crust feature offered by Rossano’s Italian Grill sparked a recent protest by CUPE Local 1542 and pizza-farians alike.
“It was like a slap in the face — with pineapples. It hurts!” screamed Jacques Leger, holding up a sing that read “PINEAPPLE-SCHMINEAPPLE! & ANANA? ou ANA-NON!!!” The arranged protest was peaceful, with only the occasional jeering at a SpongeBob mascot promoting the stuffed crust.
Recent studies* show that only five percent of the population have an appreciation for the tropical twist on a much beloved dish. Meanwhile, the food is a point of contention with what appears to be the majority, who frequently compare cooking with the oblong spiked fruit to throwing a hand grenade on an otherwise perfectly good all-garnished pizza with “the works.”
While the few remaining pineapple proponents seem to be facing a tidal wave of negativity, they also show no signs of backing down. Pizza Hut restaurant chain owner Peggy Douthwright observed that, “A quarter of all large Pizza Party orders are Hawaiian-style pizza. My profits don’t lie.”
Taking its origins from South America, the Ananas Comosus (Latin for pineapple commotion) continues to cause an uproar in and around GMA (Greater Moncton Area), even outside established eating venues.
“I thought it was a local tradition,” recounted Kim Chen, who recently relocated to the GMA for work. “You know, like the Chinese fast food here that in no way resembles the food in China. Really, it’s a food fusion trainwreck.”
“We can do better than that with welcoming newcomers to the workplace in New Brunswick,” implored Chen’s friend and co-worker Monick Richards. “We’re tired of having that leftover Hawaiian 16-inch pizza at work functions.”
Rossano’s stuffed pineapple crust event lasts until supplies run out, or their pumpkin spice stuffed crust week begins Oct. 1.
Local folklore hero and data collector Cayouche was unavailable for further comment.
*source: Radio CJSE, album review, Cayouche — live au Pizza Delight