Sussex — Spirits have been low in New Brunswick’s dairy capital since the closing of the Picadilly mine back in January, which saw the town lose 430 jobs and left residents dreading what the future might hold. But, it seems as though the prayers of residents in Sussex have been answered by local donut vendor Mrs. Dunster’s, as it was announced Tuesday that the company is unveiling 9 new products and expanding operations by employing 3 new people, adding to its 12 existing positions.
The news has found residents praising the company as “the saving grace for Sussex, and maybe New Brunswick.”
“Everyone thought ol’ Sussex was down and out,” suggested Holstein farmer Lanny Hefton-Chambers. “Well, look out world — we’re back! These 3 new jobs announced by Dunster’s will give our local economy the boost it needs to get back on track. I can even start selling my high-end, chocolate-infused cheese curds again!”
Mrs. Dunster’s told The Manatee that it plans on adding a packaging job, an additional quality-control clerk, and a new position that will be responsible for ensuring that all donut holes are “roughly the same size and shape.”
The economic impact that this expansion will have on the community isn’t lost on the company.
“We at Mrs. Dunster’s are committed to saving Sussex, to saving New Brunswick and to saving the world economy with baked goods,” expressed an elated Joyce Mitchel, CFO. “Today, we wipe out the recent job-loss in the Sussex region. But, we’re not stopping there; we already have plans in place to set up a roadside table this coming summer where we can sell our products to those passersby on the Trans-Canada. Just think of how many jobs that will create — it could be up to 2!”
The company released plans to eventually expand even beyond the roadside table business, and to put greater effort into saving New Brunswick’s economy through sweetbreads, donuts and cookies.
“We’re not only cooking up delicious ginger snaps,” continued Mitchel, “we’re also looking at bringing in an unpaid intern from a fancy culinary school like NBCC, to give them the opportunity to hone their craft to perfection by making chocolate crunch nuggets. Again, I’d like to emphasize that this is an unpaid internship, but it’s going to give someone the amazing chance to get their foot in the door at a potentially world-changing bakery.”
Mitchel admitted that the availability of sweet snacks may have some negative connotations for New Brunswick’s future. “We’ve done our research and we know that this expansion will probably hurt the province in the long run,” she went on. “Our new line of donuts is sure to increase diabetes numbers, which will undoubtedly balloon the province’s healthcare costs in the coming years. But, we have to live for today, not tomorrow, and these 3 new positions will create a future that can be sustained for literally months.”
Our reporter hit the streets of Sussex and found that public opinion was unanimously in support of their new found saviours.
“Last month was devastating,” admitted Francesca Zed, who has lived in Sussex her entire life. “My friends, my family, the entire community was hit hard, but today we see hope. We see a real future in donuts. I, for one, am so looking forward to the donuts finally all having roughly the same sized and shaped holes.”
The streets were littered with banners praising the donut makers. There were signs put up in store windows that read, “Thank you Mrs.Dunster’s!” and “Mrs.Dunster’s 3:16.” And the town’s mayor has already declared that Feb. 9 will for hence forward be known as “Sugar Crescent Day” all across the province.
The numbers are not yet available as to the exact monetary value for Sussex of such a large influx of jobs, but our financial experts estimate it to be in the dozens of dollars.