Fredericton — City council announced Tuesday that they have determined that a performing arts centre is a greater priority for the city than improving the Fredericton Exhibition grounds. The decision has severely disappointed the provincial government, who had hoped that the city would instead focus their resources on something “a little more sensible.”
It’s no secret that Fredericton has always been the province’s favourite, but local historian Malcolm Loiselle says that the trouble started when the city said it wanted to build an arts school back in 1964.
“New Brunswick had already set up a fully functional university for the city,” said Loiselle, “but Fredericton was adamant — it wanted an arts school, so the province indulged and built another small liberal arts university on the same campus.”
In the years following, Fredericton has continued prioritizing its arts hobby and avoiding doing any serious work. Today, it houses several major arts facilities such as Theatre New Brunswick, the Charlotte Street Arts Centre, Goose Lane Publishing and countless galleries and small arts collectives.
Premier Brian Gallant says that council’s announcement Tuesday proves that they have no interest in branching out beyond this and “exploring their options.”
“Y’know, man,” said Gallant, with a sigh, “you try to run your province as best you can, you introduce sports teams, you finance stadiums — and then one day, your capital city drops a bomb like this on you.”
The premier held a meeting earlier today with Fredericton City Council in which they discussed the city’s future. Gallant put his foot down and explained that New Brunswick can’t fund every two-bit, crazy whim that the city has. In response, Mayor Brad Woodside cried that the province just doesn’t understand, and that all Fredericton ever wanted to do was to impress it.
After a 4-hour heated argument, both parties broke down and proclaimed their love and admiration for one another. The city promised that it will try and be more independent from now on, and Gallant expressed that he just wants Fredericton to be happy.
As Gallant was leaving city hall, he was asked by reporters how he felt about his relationship with Fredericton following their discussion. “While I might not know much about art,” he said, a single tear streaking his cheek, “I do know that I love my city — and nothing will change that.”