NB introducing pothole tax rebate

New Brunswick — The Higgs Conservatives introduced a new tax rebate as part of last week’s budget that until now had not been covered by the media, as CBC and Global journalists were too busy incorrectly reporting the return of the tuition tax rebate program.

This pothole rebate will let New Brunswick motorists who travel particularly hazardous routes to and from work claim vehicle repair expenses on their taxes.

“With the wear and tear on people’s vehicles caused by potholes — which, I’ll admit, are just friggin’ everywhere this year — the taxpayer deserves to get something in return,” said Transportation Minister Bill Oliver. “If it’s damage that could reasonably be caused by hitting a pothole, and you prove you live in an area with some bad ones, you can get quite a bit of money back on your taxes. Save your receipts, people!”

“FINALLY!” cried Beth Gregory of Marysville. “I bought my car new in 2016 and already the shocks and struts are worn down, and last week I busted my rims and got a flat just from driving along my street going 10 under the speed limit. It’s not fair to expect me to have to pay for it out of pocket. What, am I supposed to just not go to work? So this is certainly a blessing!”

Mark Reynolds of Devon agrees.

“I work out on the Hanwell and getting from the north side all the way there and back is an obstacle course. My wheel alignment is right fucked up,” he said, gesturing toward his Toyota Tacoma. “There’s some kinda fluid leaking that I’ve been ignoring because I can’t afford to deal with it. The shop said it’d be a grand just to look it over. This rebate couldn’t have come at a better time, let me tell ya!”

Skeptics say the province can’t afford these rebates.

“But we sure can’t afford to fix the roads, either,” said Premier Higgs. “And this way we won’t have to. Instead of repaving all summer, we’ll just let the streets fall into disrepair, and people can navigate them using their own skill and discretion.

“Most individuals are too lazy to claim expenses on their taxes because it takes a bit of effort, so the rebate won’t affect our bottom line too much. I think it’ll actually save us a lot in the long run.”