Fredericton — Like a golfer calling a mulligan for a lost golf ball, New Brunswick’s lieutenant-governor is calling for a 2018 election “do-over” after a very mixed result on Monday night.
“Hey, who else needed to Google me today to find out who the hell I am?” laughed Lieutenant-Governor Jocelyne Roy-Vienneau. “I mean, it’s not like I’ve been here since 2014…oh wait, I have been! As they say in the movies, ‘Look at me, look at me — I’m the captain now, bitches!’
“I added that last part, but yeah, I’m feeling pretty shit-hot today I must say.”
Last night, voters in New Brunswick elected Tories in 22 seats, Liberals in 21, and three each for the Greens and PANB. According to parliamentary conventions, the Gallant Liberals are technically able to attempt to govern despite having fewer seats than the Tories. However, the Higgs PCs are claiming a mandate with the majority of the seats won.
“From there, it really gets into the weeds,” said Roy-Vienneau. “I mean, it’s real nerd stuff. But basically, I’m not up for being a referee between these arguing boys. So, I’m calling this one a blooper and saying let’s do it again baby one more time!
“I know I know — people are sick of all of the signs and the bickering, but this is going to go on for a bit now no matter what,” she said. “So, let’s just click the reset button and try again. Who knows, maybe even the KISS Party will win something this time.”
New Brunswick political parties reportedly have mixed reactions to the lieutenant-governor’s ruling, and they are presently pondering court challenges. However, one party leader is not interested in a do-over.
“You all can kiss my pasty white ass,” said NDP Leader Jennifer McKenzie.