Fredericton — It’s that wonderful time of year when kids are going back to school, the nights are getting cooler, and you can hear the screams and barfs of those brave souls who pay an exorbitant amount of money for a spool of cotton candy and a rip on the Zipper.
Yes that’s right, the New Brunswick Exhibition (formerly known as the FREX) is coming to town. Full of its expensive ride tickets, expensive food prices, expensive game prices, gross atmosphere, crowded lineups, sticky seats, hornet-infested garbage cans and the worst people you could ever imagine interacting with. But this year, there’s a catch — it’s free to get in!
The 10-day extravaganza kicks off this Friday night, as per usual, and this week it was announced that there will be no cover charge to be able to get into the grounds and enjoy all of the fairground activities.
“You want to come here and spend $100 on a supper that you’ll instantly regret for you and a date?” cheered exhibition spokesperson Randy Roeding. “Well, now you don’t have to spend money to be able to pay for that experience — we’re offering it for free!”
Our reporter asked Roeding what other changes exhibition-goers can expect this year.
“That’s really the only change,” he insisted. “You’re still going to be able to enjoy the exact same terrible experience you have in previous years. We’ll still have dollar store stuffed characters that you can spend $50 trying to win for your crush. We’re still offering a completely disgusting environment for you to enjoy and rides that feel like they’re going to break into a million pieces while you cling to the ‘safety’ bar praying for your life. And we’re, of course, still allowing our highly trained ride conductors to come to work incredibly high — but now you’ll get all of this for free.”
When pressed on the issue, Roeding was quick to elaborate on his use of the word “free.”
“No, no, no, these things aren’t free,” he clarified. “The admission is free. You don’t have to pay to be able to enjoy paying for everything else now. Mind you, we did have to increase the prices of everything else due to inflation, but still — free is free.”
The Manatee was able to find one Fredericton resident who was pretty thrilled with this announcement.
“This is incredible news,” exclaimed Jeffery Tower of the city’s downtown. “Typically I have to pay $10 just to go in and get a few Dippy Dogs — now I’ll be able to use that money to buy even more of them.”