Moncton — Local man Jeff Henderson, 32, reportedly packed four pairs of dress pants, a long-sleeved button-up shirt, three mismatched socks, and one pair of underwear for a week-long beach vacation beginning today.
“We wanted to celebrate New Brunswick Day the right way by getting out of here and going to P.E.I.,” said Henderson’s girlfriend of six years, Tara Orville, 31. “It was a bit last-minute, sure, but not so last-minute that he had no time to pack. He acted like we were catching a red-eye on a Secret Service mission and just started launching his things into a bag in a panic.
“I assumed he was grown-up enough to pack for himself, but apparently not. Like, has he never been on vacation before? Had I always packed for both of us and that fact somehow slipped my mind? Surely to god that can’t be right…”
The couple realized Henderson’s grave error when they arrived at the Island Bed and Breakfast this morning.
“He opened his bag to look for swim trunks, and he of course didn’t pack those, or sunscreen, or shorts, or a book to read at the beach, or even his friggin’ towel!” exclaimed Orville.
Henderson, though, places the blame squarely on his girlfriend.
“I can’t be expected to pack for myself!” he cried. “I just reach into the closet and grab a handful of clothes, and chuck it in the suitcase. It’s not up to me to make sure I have what I ‘need’ or whatever. If it’s a really long vacation I’ll grab two handfuls, but we’re only in P.E.I. for a week.”
Instead of enjoying a leisurely Saturday at the beach, the couple will be driving all the way to Charlottetown to buy things that Henderson neglected to pack.
“I should at least pick up some swim trunks there, and I guess I should get a toothbrush and razor. And some sandals, which someone forgot to pack for me,” sighed Henderson, glaring at Orville.
“Yes, it’s my fault you wore your old work boots and that’s it,” she retorted. “Let’s just get this shopping list over with. It’s going to cost you an arm and a leg to buy all this stuff you already have in Moncton.”
At press time, Henderson suddenly remembered that he also left his wallet at home.
Dear Manatee writers, I really appreciate your changing the names in this article. Sure, my wife knows this is clearly about me, but thanks to your obfuscation it’s unlikely my friends will. Sincerely, “Jeff” (wink).