New Brunswick — Why is my child misbehaving? Why is my kid so dumb? Why is little Johnny being a terrible human being right now?
One month ago, it was easy for parents in Canada’s Picture Province to answer these questions with one simple explanation: it’s the teachers’ fault. But now that parents are stuck at home with their children, it’s become increasingly evident the children are awful and parents are sorely missing being able to lay the blame squarely on their teachers.
“I miss them so, so much!” cried Elizabeth Gallons of Moncton. “I took them for granted all these years. It was so amazing to be able to live oblivious to the fact that I’m a bad mother and that maybe I’m part of the reason that my kids didn’t perform well in class. It was just so great to be able to blame their teachers for all their shortcomings…I want that power back.
“Everything was the teacher’s fault!” she went on. “Bad grades, bad attitude, bad personal hygiene — teacher’s fault. Did your kid start smoking? Drinking? Doing drugs? Obviously the teacher’s fault. That time my precious Corey was escorted home by the police because they found him peeing into a garbage can outside of McDonald’s — that was all because Mr. Dixon gave him such a hard time in the fourth grade!”
Gallons claimed she’s even gone as far as sending hand-made greeting cards to several of her children’s teachers expressing how much she misses them.
“Yeah, I got one in the mail and didn’t really know what to think of it,” explained Kimberly Collins, who teaches Gallons’s youngest child. “It had ‘I miss you…’ in giant letters on the front and then when I opened it up it said ‘…being the reason my child doesn’t know how to do math.’ So, it was kinda, bitter-sweet, I guess. I mean, everyone likes to be missed.”
Our reporter asked Collins whether she thinks parents are mostly to blame if their children aren’t achieving desired results in the classroom.
“For the most part, yes,” she admitted. “But sometimes kids are just dumb. Take my kid, for example; I don’t think it’s his teacher’s fault that he’s a moron — it’s totally his dad’s.”