New Brunswick — Less than a month before Canada’s inaugural National Day for Truth and Reconciliation, the New Brunswick government has decided not to honour the holiday. Instead, the province is offering up an alternative.
“We’ve noticed a trend in all of these recent holidays that they are all very, uh, ‘minority’ based,” said Premier Blaine Higgs, as an explanation. “Well, as the Conservative party, we like to serve the majority of people.”
Therefore, the province has declared October 1 through 7 to be “White Guy Week.” It will not be a paid holiday. Instead, people will be encouraged to go to the office, watch Marvel movies, and listen to Led Zeppelin albums.
“Y’know, white guy stuff,” said Higgs.
But what about serving our local Indigenous communities?
“Indigenous people can celebrate ‘Family Day’ just like the rest of us. They have families, too, don’t they?” he scoffed. “If not, they’re probably going to blame us for that too. Like, ‘Oh, the government tore our family apart,’ or something. Give me a break.”