Dieppe — The Government of New Brunswick has just announced a strategic plan to solve the crisis it faces in funding the upcoming Francophonie Games.
Thanks to the quick thinking of Education Minister Dominic Cardy, the province will be able to avoid going into debt funding the games. Cardy’s solution is to mimic the tried-and-true fundraising techniques of local schools.
“I mean, we give these schools next to nothing — a few fundraisers is all it takes to keep their lights on. So let’s expand this approach to the entire province and force everyone to do their part. Not just schoolchildren, although they will not be exempt.”
Details of the plan were announced via press release earlier today. An enthusiastic Deputy Premier Robert Gauvin said that this mandatory fundraising initiative will see every single resident participating in one of two options. Both options involve sales, but the product is of the resident’s choice.
“You can sell the world’s finest chocolates in the form of chocolate-covered almonds, or for those who enjoy the taste of wax, you can sell chocolate in bar form,” explained Gauvin. “Each New Brunswicker is expected to sell four cases, which will be available for pickup at all SNB locations by next week.
“Now, if a resident cannot physically complete door-to-door sales, they can do their part through selling online magazine subscriptions. A minimum sale for this option is set at 12 yearly subscriptions. Not so hard, right?”
Gauvin added that if residents do not comply, an automatic $500 financial penalty will be imposed, that will be put directly toward the games. There are no age restrictions on participation; if you are currently residing in the province, you must pitch in or pay the price.
Premier Blaine Higgs told us that there will also be a random draw selecting people to work at the games, so that the province does not have to pay employees. Roughly 100 residents will be chosen to sell 50/50 tickets at all of the sporting events.
“This is an opportunity for us, as a province, to pull together,” Higgs said. “We were really blindsided by the financials of this situation, but thanks to some quick thinking I feel like we can all roll up our sleeves and work together to make these much-anticipated games a success.
“Your efforts will not go unrecognized,” he assured us. “To sweeten the deal, whichever riding raises the most funds will receive a pizza party!”
This initiative is set to begin Monday, Dec. 17, just in time for an extra-special Christmas gift or stocking stuffer.
Golden. Thanks.