Fredericton — New mom Taylor Brighton, 28, has been fabricating her baby’s inner thoughts and dreams for the entertainment of her followers on Facebook, Instagram and Snaphat.
“I’m growing every day, and I love getting into everything and making messes!” baby Brayden supposedly said or thought on Thursday — or at least, that was the caption with a photo of the sleeping baby lying in his crib and holding a stuffed bunny. “I want to keep playing but I’m so tired! Night night!”
“She’s creating quite the little narrative about this kid,” said Brighton’s friend Paige LeBlanc. “And he has a more advanced vocabulary than I do. It’ll be funny if when he eventually starts talking he’s not at all what she’s made him out to be. Like if he’s a dumb little jerk or something. I’d get a kick out of that.”
Brighton’s social media contacts say the stories to accompany the photos are becoming more elaborate as the new mother gets more bored.
“At first she would just write the baby’s ‘interests’ and ‘accomplishments’ on one of those dumb chalkboards, and take pics of the baby next to it to post online,” said Jesse Illies, Brighton’s neighbour. “You know what I mean…they say things like ‘My favourite food is: carrots’ or ‘I weigh: 15 pounds’ or whatever. But now it’s these long paragraphs told from Brayden’s point of view. I think she needs some more adult company, honestly.
“For example, check this one out,” continued Illies. “She’s holding him in this photo. It says:
Me and my mommy. Ever since mommy and daddy brought me home from the hospital, I’ve been a mommy’s boy. I don’t know what it is about my mommy: maybe it’s the way she takes me on nature walks — I love the outdoors! — Or how she sings me my favourite lullaby at night. Maybe it’s bathtime fun or the special way she looks at me. But I just know mommy and me are going to be best friends forever!
“Like, seriously, what the fuck is that shit,” said Illies. “How creepy is that? Oh, and she always posts naked pictures of him publicly online, or pictures of his poopy diapers. He’s going to file a restraining order against her later in life, if anything.”
At press time, Brighton was dressing the baby up for a photoshoot on the lawn with all his toys, and starting to draft up Brayden’s monologues for Instagram and Facebook about each toy and its origin.