New River Beach — Look out Trump: if you think you can build a wall, wait and see what some motivated Canadians are capable of.
New River Beach Provincial Park warden Wayne Squidd tells reporters that the annual sand sculpture competition consistently draws crowds of thousands.
Historically, winning the division titles has been the goal, but Squidd sees some new political potential in the annual event; he is proposing that Tourism New Brunswick abolish the competition aspect and put the focus on engineering a structurally sound sand wall to keep the Americans fleeing Trump out of New Brunswick. Or to make the initiative more palatable to our American friends, to keep Canadians and their open immigration policies on their side of the border.
“Trump wants to build a wall between the States and Mexico, and wants them to pay for it… I can see the writing on the wall that we’re next, and quite frankly my taxes are high enough as it is. We need a solution to head off this upcoming expense, so why not boost tourism, build a wall and have a lot of fun doing it?”
Squidd believes that the experience of past competitors paired with the Canadian spirit of helping one another could result in the wall being completed in a single weekend.
The warden plans to get local craft breweries to sponsor the event, selling tickets to “Castles and Beer.”
Picaroons spokesperson Harley Hopps is thrilled with the idea. “We’ve been trying to expand our events; we’ve had burger nights, bus tours, walking tours, curling competitions and even a colouring event. Taking on sandcastles only seems like a logical move. And as Squidd said in his pitch, if we aren’t proactive in building something, our tax dollars are going to end up paying for an old-fashioned brick-and-mortar type of structure, which will look nowhere near as cool as our sand wall.”
Betty Whalen, a nearby resident, said that in previous years, the event has done nothing but annoy her by drawing large crowds to her hometown for no real gain. However, the idea that the competition could offset her tax bill is appealing.
“I remember once I was walking along the beach and nearly had a stroke when I saw a crocodile staring me down at the water’s edge,” recalled Whalen. “I eventually realized it was just a leftover contest entry… if this event can be turned into something productive instead of just terrifying, well that’s fine by me.”
The Manatee asked park staff how the sand-wall would withstand the changing seasons.
“No problem — as winter approaches my colleagues and I will douse the structure with water, which will create a beautiful ice wall,” Squidd claimed. “I believe there will be potential tourist events around this as well, but I think I’ll wait and see how the regular wall pans out first.”
Construction is set to begin Aug. 13.