New Brunswick — Once again, COVID-19 is on the rise globally, spurred on by a new sub-variant of Omicron. Now that the latest wave has crested upon the shores of New Brunswick, this new sub-variant is proving to have some notable side effects.
“Many people who have contracted the latest variant have been known to suffer from an acute lack of giving a shit,” Dr. Jennifer Russell told The Manatee. “It has been especially noted in those who have previously been infected with COVID. Many seem to have built up a strong immunity against caring, while others display a near-fatal deficiency of fucks.”
Russell noted that other symptoms include burning desires to host dinner parties and sudden blackouts in which the patient awakes to find themselves on resorts in the Caribbean islands.
“I have no idea how I got here,” said one such patient, Maria Carlile. “The last thing I remember was looking at my COVID test and seeing the two pink lines. Next thing I knew, I was sitting right here, sipping this raspberry mojito.”
How is it?
“Oh,” she said, as if she hadn’t considered this point. She smacked her lips thoughtfully. “I dunno. Doesn’t taste like much, really.”
Fortunately, the vaccines do seem to have some effect, with the numbers of boosters received providing a direct correlation with how much the person cares about the pandemic. Nevertheless, symptoms continue to spread rapidly.
“We’ve noticed that most people, even those who test negative for COVID, have been displaying symptoms of ignorance and disinterest,” said Dr. Russell. “If you find yourself developing these or any other indication of COVID-19, we recommend going to work anyway and stop bugging us about it.”