Official languages commissioner investigating more of her own complaints

Fredericton — New Brunswick’s commissioner of official languages, Katherine d’Entremont, is launching additional investigations into her own complaints against her friends, family, neighbours and local businesses, after numerous individuals unwittingly failed to meet her unknown expectations.

This revelation follows the public disclosure that she filed her own official languages complaint as well as the resulting investigation after not being served in her preferred language by a commissionaire, even though she never explicitly requested that service.

During the course of several interviews, The Manatee uncovered that d’Entremont’s latest inquiry is related to Halloween over the past weekend. Apparently several children appeared at her door demanding candy and treats. Each of the children implied that if she did not provide a “treat” that she might become the subject of a “trick” or prank.

d’Entremont took great offense to the implied blackmail, and even though she did not communicate her umbrage to any of the children, she is now complaining loudly to each of their parents and investigating what the children demanded from other neighbours.

Neighbour Alicen Charité recounted their recent conversation. “She was quite offended that the children implied that she would receive a ‘trick,’ even though I tried to reassure her that it was just a saying. One little pirate apparently told her to ‘smell [his] feet and give [him] something good to eat,’ which violated her home’s unadvertised scent-free policy,” said Charité. “Also, she was giving out raisins and granola bars as treats, which isn’t illegal per se but really it should be.”

According to her friends and family, other investigations that d’Entremont is reported to be pursuing  include the following:

• d’Entremont was disappointed that her partner didn’t proactively set all of the clocks to back Standard time on Sunday, despite never requesting it be done;
• Last Thursday, her downstairs toilet seat was left up. Despite repeated questioning, no one has owned up to it yet. When asked if she had fallen in, she admitted that she hadn’t;
• d’Entremont was spotted at the local grocery store noting who in front of her had more than 12 items in the speedy checkout line, even though she wasn’t in a hurry;
• She mistakenly received milk in her coffee from Tim Hortons. After failing to advise the employee who prepared the coffee, she contacted the store manager to express her distress despite not being lactose intolerant; and
• Rick Astley reportedly promised that he would never give her up, never let her down, never run around, and desert her. Presently, Astley’s whereabouts are unknown to her.