New Brunswick — The coveted list of most popular baby names for 2020 has been released and, overwhelmingly, Olivia and Liam are the ones New Brunswickers are the most sick of hearing about.
“Oh, your little Olivia can sit up all on her now?” sarcastically questioned Ryan Andrews of Fredericton. “Yeah, so can my diabetic cat who is missing half of her tail — big friggin’ deal.”
Andrews told The Manatee that he’s constantly subjected to hearing about the most recent “triumphs” of the Olivias and Liams of the province.
“These annoying parents make the world out of the smallest accomplishments and it’s just painful to listen to!” he bellowed. “I don’t care in the least that Liam has now transitioned to solid foods or that his poop isn’t as green as it used to be. Call me when the kid cures cancer or figures out how to make my internet connection stop dropping from my Wi-Fi.”
Our reporter spoke to dozens of people in the Picture Province who felt the similarly about Liams and Olivias in their lives.
“Oh, those kids are the worst,” excitedly shared Joanna Kelly from Saint John. “They just stare at you right in the eye and are like, ‘Oh, look at me. My name is Liam and I’m a little jerk and am going to puke all over that new white shirt you got from the Gap outlet store uptown and everyone is going think it’s so cute when I do it.’ You owe me a new shirt, Liam, and I don’t like you.”
Other names that topped CBC survey were: Ashton, Oliver, Madison and any name starting with B.
When we questioned Kelly about why she doesn’t simply make efforts to avoid the stories of the Liams and Olivias of the province, she replied that it is a lot harder than you’d think.
“First of all, every stupid person in the province seems to be naming their kids these stupid names. Secondly, the ones I’m talking about I have to hear about a few times a year, at least — otherwise, what kind of aunt would I be?”