System Sol — After a blowup following the announcement of a Canadian federally imposed minimum price on carbon, The Manatee reached out to Planet Earth, currently resting before being bombarded by the Draconid meteor shower this Thursday, Oct. 6.
“Look guys, I’ve lived through millennia of asteroid strikes, dinosaur farts and really bad music… if y’all need to take a few more weeks or months to show off for your constituents, do what you gotta do.”
Saskatchewan Environment Minister Scott Moe stormed out of a meeting with federal Environment Minister Catherine McKenna, bringing the ministers from Nova Scotia and Newfoundland quickly in tow. The 3 ministers then excitedly gathered just outside the door.
“You see me storm out of that meeting?” Moe was overheard saying. “I stormed out of there like a motherfucker!”
Rumours later surfaced that tensions in the meeting were augmented by there being only pretzels left in a bowl of party mix.
Premier Brian Gallant spoke in support of Trudeau and his carbon tax initiative: “I don’t see what everybody has against pretzels.”
As Earth gradually began turning on her axis to face Neptune, she left one final thought to The Manatee’s readers: “Like I said, I’ll be fine — no guarantee y’all will still be here much longer, but I’ll be chillin’ and heatin’ simultaneously for a good while.”