Police shooting woman ‘only’ four times ‘not excessive,’ says Justice Department

Fredericton — In a statement released on Monday, the Crown said that there will be no criminal charges against the police officer involved in the death of Chantel Moore.

Despite shooting the incapacitated woman four times outside of her own home, representatives from the Justice department say that it was just the right amount of force required to resolve the situation.

“The officer’s actions were reasonable under the circumstances,” said Justice spokesperson Tas DesConneries. “Despite waking up a half-dressed drunk woman in the dead of night by banging on her door, shining a flashlight through her window into her face and telling her to let him into her apartment, she had no reason at all to feel threatened.

“Once the officer shone his flashlight at his police badge, that should have dispelled any concerns she would have had…if she saw it…even if you were still half-asleep and half in the bag.”

The Crown said that Chantel Moore picked up a little steak knife before deciding to talk to the yelling man outside. “Obviously, Moore decided she was going to kill the officer for waking her up or something. Who knows? I guess she picked that moment standing there in her underwear to become a cop killer for some reason.

“Sure, the officer had a baton and pepper spray, but she had this little frickin’ steak knife! Who knows, that could have been a Ginsu knife! Those effin’ things go through a tin can like a hot knife through butter!

“So obviously, the officer had no choice but to use deadly force, I mean…what else what he going to do? He shot her once, but obviously that’s not going to be enough to stop someone who’s all jacked up on Coors Light for god’s sake! Don’t just double-tap…or triple-tap…you better quadruple-tap that perp!

“In summary, this is all Moore’s fault. It’s not like the officer’s actions caused her to be concerned for her own safety while she was half-clothed and sleepy, and then he used the worst possible means to resolve it…four effin’ times.

“I mean, most drunk women never have a problem with the police. What was the difference with her?”