New Brunswick — After much public outcry over the latest public-sector salary report, the Government of New Brunswick is implementing a new program to offer “perspective” to high-paid CEOs and managers in the public sector.
People like NB Power CEO Gaëtan Thomas, whose annual salary falls between $550,000 and $574,999, will have their salary reduced to $50,000 for 2019, and receive no bonuses at the end of the year.
What’s more, instead of being invited to fancy dinners and galas, or travelling to conferences in other provinces or countries, their work meetings will consist of grabbing a coffee at Tim Hortons, or waking up early to drive to a conference in Moncton, then driving back to Fredericton in the same day.
“We believe that living like a regular New Brunswicker — where a big power bill hurts and you can only go on one short vacation a year, will open the eyes of these highly paid people and ideally encourage them to re-prioritize their values and how they run their companies,” explained Premier Blaine Higgs.
“Right now these folks are just completely unrelatable; they all own yachts, summer homes, winter chalets, and invest in various startups on a whim. But in 2019 they will be scrimping and saving to take their ungrateful kids to Disneyland, and throwing all their plans out the window when their car breaks down or the power bill doubles.”
At the end of the year, the affected people will be expected to make big changes to their companies in ways that will put the average New Brunswicker first.
“This is ridiculous! I’m not out of touch,” said Gaëtan Thomas to The Manatee, when asked about his new 2019 salary.
“I’m already your average New Brunswicker. I drive to work, I enjoy an Alpine just as much as the next guy, and I play Lotto 649 in the hopes of winning big.”
On further questioning it was revealed that the Alpine the NB Power CEO was referring to was his annual ski trip to the Swiss alps, and his daily commute was in one of his three Teslas. Thomas also has his butler purchase large quantities of lottery tickets “as a joke.”
“This is fantastic, I can’t wait to see the look on those CEOs’ faces when they have to drag themselves out of bed every morning to earn a crap salary like the rest of us,” Gushed Fredericton local Marv Porter.
“I’m going to wait at the Timmies by NB Power during my lunches just to complain directly to Gaëtan Thomas about my power bill. Oh and by the way, Gaëtan, if you’re reading this, I didn’t want to know how much power my neighbours were using last year. And isn’t it illegal to tell me?”
Higgs said he’s also considering starting an annual province-wide 50/50 draw where half the proceeds go to fixing and improving roads, and one lucky New Brunswicker will get to run one of the crown corporations for a year and live like a CEO.