Quebec City — The province next door is taking a page from the Bible, and offering to “love its neighbour as thyself” during New Brunswick’s time of governing uncertainty.
“Look, we don’t want to step on tes orteils, but we can pitch in to help run things while you sort this out,” volunteered Quebec Premier Philippe Couillard. “It’s the neighbourly thing to do, you know, to help out when we can.
“And, we have like 8.4 million people, we won’t even notice another 760,000 or so. It will barely be a blip on the radar. Seriously, we got you. You go figure out your cute little election and we’ll take the wheel for a few weeks.”
The New Brunswick 2018 provincial election has become the subject of intense national curiosity and political science “nerdgasms” since Monday’s vote. While the incumbent Liberals won the popular vote by almost six points, the Tories won the most seats but not enough to form a majority government. According the the rules of the Legislature, the Liberals technically can attempt to continue to govern until they lose a confidence vote in the Legislature.
Premier Couillard says he understands how language issues can be difficult at times. “Hey, we have almost 1.2 million people for which neither English nor French are their mother tongue. So, yeah — trust me, we get it. We understand it can be hard sometimes when everyone wants to do the right thing and then digs in their heels on their opinions.
“Seriously, just let us take over for a bit and we’ll babysit while you get yourselves sorted out. Hey, we had some great ideas about that NB Power mess back in 2009! Maybe we’ll even have that sorted out by the time you figure out who’s going to run your little province.
“You guys are so cute, we just want to pick you up and give you a great big hug and tell you things are going to be OK,” cooed Couillard.
“One favour though — please don’t speak Chiac to us while we are there. That’s just bullshit French and you know it!
“Honestly, this whole thing is adorable. You guys do you, we’ll look after things for you. Seriously, don’t mention it and you’re welcome.”