Quispamsis — There was a last-minute entry into the local mayoral race last Friday.
He’s a familiar face that most residents will recognize, but due to a bizarre twist you probably wouldn’t know his name.
Current Mayor Gary Clark submitted his paperwork to run for re-election just before the deadline, but in an inexplicable twist he entered the race using a false identity.
Also, he is now sporting a conspicuously fake moustache as he campaigns throughout the town.
“Gary Clark? No, that’s not me,” the mayor claimed today when confronted. “I’m…ah, Terry…Lark…” he said squinting, obviously reading something off of the palm of his hand. “I’m like a totally different guy. I swear.”
Clark gained national infamy in 2019 after using a false identity to purchase a membership at the town’s swimming complex. He dishonestly purchased the membership as a favour to out-of-town friends who did not want to pay visitor rates to swim at the qplex. The mayor believed that the town staff working at the pool were so uninformed that they would not recognize him.
Clark was caught using the improperly obtained membership while playing hooky from his mayoral duties. He was scheduled to be at the town hall for a meeting, but sent a last-minute text message saying something had happened to a family member and he was heading to the hospital.
Eleven minutes later, he was at the town pool using the fake name from the illegitimate membership to gain entry. For the next hour, he pretended to text from the hospital while enjoying a swim.
“Wow,” Clark/Lark marvelled. “That guy sounds like a real doofus! I’m glad I’m not that guy, I’m totally not…unless you happen to have a good opinion of him?” he asked hopefully.
The mayor glanced at his watch. “Oops, I’ve got to go. I’m late for my massage…Umm, I mean…ah, someone has been in a terrible accident and I need to go with them to the hospital! It’s an emergency!”
As he stumbled away, the mayor was overheard saying to himself, “Nice one, ‘Terry!’ You’ve still got it!”