New Brunswick — Earlier this morning CBC reported that in October of last year, Premier Gallant hosted what he calls a “networking party” in downtown Montreal at the expense of New Brunswick taxpayers.
Almost immediately upon the story’s publication, reports came in from outraged citizens across the province who are demanding answers and even payback from Gallant.
“Is this what he’s doing with the taxes taken out of my E.I. cheque?” asked concerned Dolores McKay of Nackawic. “He’s gallivanting across Switzerland, getting fancy new haircuts and now probably snorting coke off of a stripper’s g-string in Montreal, the dirtiest city outside of Saint John.”
Paul Waterson shared McKay’s view of what this “networking” most likely consisted of. “Networking, my ass!” he declared. “The only net he was working was the fishnet stocking he was working off of a 60-dollar whore in ol’ Frenchville. This is why he’s such a supporter of the whole bilingual thing, I bet.”
Waterson went on to tell The Manatee that he’s had 60-dollar whores from Montreal in his younger days and knows how quickly that money runs out. “No surprise to me at all that the bill got up to 12K,” he huffed.
Reports of the party surfaced after Gallant was reportedly seen by an eyewitness “dropping toonies on the ground outside of a swanky hotel downtown.” The eyewitness who asked to remain anonymous said that she recognized Gallant as she’s originally from Newcastle but moved to Montreal almost a year ago in search of jobs.
“I knew who he was right away,” she told our reporter. “You never forget a face as handsome as that one. So, there I am just walking by and I see him there, surrounded by skanks, just dropping money on the ground saying something like ‘whoever gets the most gets to kiss me’ or something like that.”
The eyewitness said that she came forward after hearing the premier’s State of the Province address on the news last night. “He’s so phony, talking about saving money and being fiscally responsible and stuff — that’s bullshit! I wanted everyone to know how he really uses their taxes.”
Gallant responded to the allegations by way of a statement:
“Yes, I had a networking party in Montreal last fall, but no, I did not spend any money irresponsibly. I invited only highly important people who might be able to give me a job once I’m done this one.
“Of course, I also had to provide food, drinks and entertainment for my guests, but acted in the best interest of New Brunswick taxpayers when allocating the funds for this. We had a strict 12-drink limit on the free drinks, any drugs being consumed were brought in independently, we ordered from the third-best restaurant in town — not the first — and you were only allowed 3 free dances from the girls we ordered. Any further dances or extras were coming out of your own pocket.
“On top of all this, it was a wicked party. Like, it was the best party ever, and frankly I needed it! It gets stressful when people are always telling you how bad of a job you’re doing and so on; this recharged my batteries and made it so I can better serve the people of New Brunswick.”
The Manatee wasn’t able to corroborate the eyewitness account of the party, and also wasn’t able to get a guest list from the premier’s office. This story will be updated as new details become available.