Grand Manan — Thought to be extinct since the early 1990s, it appears as though a Right Whale Said Fred has been spotted off the coast of Grand Manan. The majestic opaque creature with a distinct lack of hair and shiny ring markings in both ears is known to be the sexiest mammal on Earth. It has been seen off the coasts of Milan, New York and Japan — but never in Canadian waters.
For the past 30 years rare sightings of these whales have coincided with major drug busts near coastal cities. Scientists now think that this might be more than happenstance, and have a prevailing theory that Right Whale Said Freds have evolved to be attracted to cocaine and navigate the seas in search of the drug. This is one of the main reasons U.S. Border Patrol have been stopping Canadian fishing vessels in recent weeks.
Beau West, a representative for U.S. Customs and Border Protection, made a brief statement: “I’m too busy for this, too busy for this, too busy it hurts.”
The Department of Fisheries and Oceans has been trying to capture and tag the Right Whale Said Fred. DFO biologist Tanner Seely remarked, “We are using this device called a catwalk, but just when we think we have him he keeps doing this little turn, yeah, this little turn on the catwalk, and is slipping away.”