Saint John — A Port City resident has given the Saint John East Food Bank a one-star review on Yelp, the Internet’s most definitive source for restaurant rankings.
“I was there for lunch and the food sucked,” wrote Marshall Hoffman, 46. “The pizza crust was rock-hard and the sauce had a lumpy consistency. I took some creamed corn home for supper, and the cans are all dented; let’s hope the corn ends up being better than the pizza!”
Hoffman backed up his low rating by saying the service was mediocre at best. “I normally give them a little leeway since the food’s free, but man, the wait staff here have no idea what they’re doing,” wrote the critic. “I asked to speak to the chef and they looked at me like I was crazy. What ever happened to the old saying ‘The customer is always right’?”
Hoffman compared the food bank’s offerings to other “restaurants” in the area which in his estimation are not up to par. “It’s right up there with Vito’s,” he wrote. “Just because the mob hangs out there they think they never have to innovate with new recipes or cater to the discerning Saint John palate. And if no one complains, they’ll continue to think that.”
The Manatee uncovered that Hoffman lives with his aunt in the North End. Our reporter asked her to elaborate on her nephew’s Yelp manifesto. “Oh, he just sits in the basement on the Internet, using up all my bandwidth,” the elderly woman complained. “He thinks he knows food because he pilfers my money to go out to nice restaurants, and the rest of the time he sits on his butt eating microwaved Pizza Pockets. You should take his ‘reviews’ with a grain of salt, so to speak.”
“The food banks in the area have really gone downhill,” Hoffman’s review ended. “I hate to be the one to point this out, but if they want to stay in business, they’re going to have to step up their game. It’s a competitive market out there.”
Hoffman also reviewed Taco Pica with an unsavoury two stars on Yelp, because he “never cared for Mexican food.”