Saint John — What’s brittle, sticky, and gets you insanely high? That’s shatter, a powerful marijuana derivative packed with up to 99 percent THC and 100 percent pure deliciousness.
Saint’s John’s Freak Lunchbox, an alternative candy store in the uptown area, is the first confection shop to to offer the treat to New Brunswickers of all ages. Store owner Mary Ward said when they first stocked the item last week, the demand far outweighed the supply.
“The RCMP and city police raided the store the same day we got the first shipment,” she explained excitedly. “They bought the stuff out — everyone knows how much cops love sweets. So we had to order more and more. Even the mayor ordered a few dozen grams of it, in fact.”
“I knew it would sell out right away,” confirmed a giggling Mayor Mel Norton. “And like, I wanted to try it quick so I could let everyone in the city know about it and make an official statement about how, like, awesome it is.”
The only major downfall of the peanut-brittle-like treat is its price. Where a gram of weed, depending on quality, costs about $10-$20, shatter can run you $60-$70 for the same amount. “But it’s totally worth it,” said the mayor. “I’m waaaaaay, waaay too baked to even be talking to you right now; can’t put a price on that.”
The potent drug-and-candy delight is lining the pockets of other local businesses as well. “That stuff will rot your teeth and probably land you with a bad case of diabetes too,” said North End dentist Harry Radford. “So by all means, enjoy!”
Many around the province are hoping shatter will appear at upcoming fall fairs and exhibitions. “I wouldn’t mind selling it at my booth at the FREX next month,” said Fredericton-born carnie Randall Hicks. “I wouldn’t mind being high on it the entire time, either. Might make all them bratty kids easier to deal with.”
Visit Freak Lunchbox to try shatter for yourself.
I normally like these stories on the Manatee however, I believe that the line has been crossed with this story. . It is in very poor taste and is certainly NOT a funny topic to discuss. Very very disappointed with the story and it should be removed.
The UNB Forestry School is working on a hybrid maple-marijuana tree that will yield a better tasting shatter that will complement pancakes and vastly increase Taffy consumption at all sugar bushes. I hear it’s going to be called maplejuanna.