Survey: 99.9% of middle-aged Maritime men find Cindy Day hotter than Kalin Mitchell

Halifax — Move over, Cindy Day: there’s a new meteorologist in town, and he’s younger and hotter than you’ll ever be.

This is what only 0.1 per cent of heterosexual middle-aged Atlantic Canadian men believe, according to a survey quickly thrown together by Statistics Atlantic. On Monday it was revealed that Kalin Mitchell will be CTV’s new on-air meteorologist, a position held by Cindy Day for many years.

“Cindy is just so sexy — I’ve been sending her fan mail for ages. I didn’t give a crap abut her weather forecasts, but she sure was easy on the eyes,” admitted aging Moncton man Dale Roberts. “I don’t know nothin’ about this Kalin fella but the fact that he’s a fella at all tells me he won’t be half the weather-girl my Cindy was.”

“If it happens in the sky, Cindy Day knows why,” quoted sexist Summerside resident Bobby McNeil, 47. “But what does Kalin Mitchell know?? Probably not much about clothes or makeup or hair or how to smile real pretty. So I’m done with CTV. Done.”

“Men just aren’t as sensitive to the weather as women are,” said ignorant St. John’s man Darell Ingram, 49. “Women can tell by the moon and the tides what’s gonna happen in the skies. How’s Kalin going to find out — magic?!” Ingram then ranted about the Earth being flat for 10 minutes, according to the disturbing survey results.

Ninety-nine-point-nine per cent of straight middle-aged men not only said that Cindy Day is hotter than Kalin Mitchell, but that hotness is just about the only thing that matters in a “weather girl” (and all refused to refer to them as meteorologists).

“It’s weather girl, not weather boy,” slurred Haligonian George Murphy, 51, as he slumped over a bottle of Alexander Keith’s. “I don’t want to watch some man point to those little pictures of suns and rainclouds on the TV.

“Let me know if technology advances enough so we can see the weather right on our phones. Then I can Google Cindy and see what she has to say about it.”