New Brunswick — Thanksgiving is almost upon us and New Brunswickers everywhere are making mental notes about which lies they can tell around the dinner table when it’s their turn to publicly declare the things they’re thankful for.
“I always just say things that I know my mom isn’t going to question me on,” admitted Julia Prosser of Woodstock. “I try and think of things that’ll make her proud like, ‘I’m so thankful for having such a loving and supportive family, blah, blah, blah.’ She expects me to totally forget that she kicked me out of the house last year when I turned 26 because she thought it was time I grew up.”
Prosser took the opportunity to tell The Manatee what she’s actually thankful for.
“I’m thankful for beer, E.I. and birth control — try saying that at the dinner table and see what kind of reaction you get,” she said. “It’s not just me either. My brother always says he’s thankful for having such great parents to give him an example of what a marriage is supposed to look like. But that’s a huge lie because he knows that Mom and Dad hate each other.”
Albert Young of Fredericton said his family has the same tradition of lying at the dinner table each Thanksgiving.
“I know my kids aren’t thankful for anything they have,” he said with a distinct grumble in his voice. “They never have been! But, each and every year I sit there and won’t serve the turkey until they make up at least one good lie. Last year my daughter had the best one — she told me she was very thankful to live in New Brunswick, where she has every opportunity in the world to succeed as an English-speaking woman with a liberal arts degree.”
The Manatee wants to know what you’re thankful for — true or made up — so let us know in the comments section!
I’m so thankful for dees titties.
I look back with great fondness on New Brunswick and am thankful for all the comedy sourced within it. My home province also makes me oddly exotic everywhere I go since no one seems to have heard of it…