Canada — Just in time for the holidays, The Manatee brings you a fun-filled game that’ll bring the whole family together and make them bearable at the same time.
As Canadians, there are a few things we’re known for around the holidays, and drinking anything in your parents’ fridge is proudly one of them. So gather round cbc.ca ye jolly bunch of assholes, grab yer Moosehead Cranberry Radlers and peppermint schnapps from 2004, because it’s time to play the CBC Comments Section Drinking Game!
The rules are simple: take turns choosing CBC news articles and reading the comments section, one comment per person. If a comment falls into one of the categories below, follow the action associated with it. Actions can apply to the individual reading the comment or to the group playing, so pay attention! Play until you love each other. For an extra challenge, we recommend setting your location to New Brunswick.
| Comment | Action |
| A blatantly discriminatory comment on a group of people, be it race, sexuality, generation, etc. | Invite your neighbour over for a drink, and to join in on the fun. |
| A comment on the time Trudeau spends taking selfies with constituents as the main reason our country is falling apart. | Take a selfie of everyone taking a drink. |
| A comment on the bad winter we are going to have. | The last person in the group to take a drink has to don a full snowsuit for the remainder of the game, or until the next weather comment. |
| A comment that “well, actuallys” the journalist. | Well, actually take a drink. |
| A comment on the fairness of equalization payments. | Give a drink from your glass to the person with the least left in theirs. |
| A comment blaming Trump for a problem happening in Canada that has nothing to do with the States or trade with the States. | Take an American drink (a very large drink). |
| A comment…using…an…excessive…number of ellipses. | Take a drink for each dot sequence. |
| A comment mentioning the SNC-Lavilin scandal. | Pawn your drink off on someone else. |
| A comment on long waits for health services. | Not allowed to take a drink until the person next to you finishes their drink. |
| A comment on separatism. | Quebec: cheers by yelling “Tabernak!” Alberta: cheers by yelling “Yeehaw!” Newfoundland: cheers by yelling “Yes b’y!” |
| A comment on climate change on an article that has nothing to do with climate change. | This person takes a drink and is now in charge of recycling for the night. |
| A pro-pipeline comment. | The last person to take a drink has to funnel a beer (or shotgun if no funnels available); if they spill any, everyone has to drink again. |
| A comment that was written in Fringlish. | This person must now speak Fringlish for the remainder of the game, or until the next Fringlish comment is read. They will drink every time someone catches them not using this “language.” |
| A comment degrading someone based on appearance. | Cheers the person next to you and give them a compliment. |
| A comment blaming Quebec for something. | Take a drink while doing the Bonhomme dance (Grab your foot and hop around). |
| A comment mentioning Tim Hortons. | Drink double-double — double that if it’s about drive-thru lines. |
| A comment saying CBC should be dismantled. | If anyone is drinking a mixed drink, they have to dismantle it and use the alcoholic ingredient to take a shot. |
| A comment stating something is a waste of taxpayers’ hard-earned money. | Person reading takes a drink from everyone else’s cup. |
| A comment mentioning Trudeau’s blackface. | Sociables! Sing “day-o” together as you drink. |
| A well-posed comment, with proper grammar. | Stand up, walk around, and give everyone playing a hug. |
Happy holidays. Please drink responsibly — or, you know, at least make sure you have a sober driver!