Ottawa — It was “arms and back day” for Justin Trudeau and his workout cadre on Wednesday.
The eight-member crew had most of the Kent Street Anytime Fitness blocked off for themselves to ensure privacy and safety. The daily outings are meant to foster a sense of closeness between the PM and his male friends, who consist entirely of his RCMP security detail.
The Manatee was granted rare, inside access to the ritual. We were informed last week that, at the next arms-and-back day, the prime minister planned to bolster his already sterling feminist credentials by recommending a female-directed film to an all-male group.
“So anyways, yeah, check out The Virgin Suicides, it’s not like the last one. It’s pretty great,” Trudeau said, addressing the exact centre of the posse. They all looked at each other as though they weren’t sure which of them he was addressing.
“Frank, you hated that Agnès Varda film collection I leant you, didn’t you? C’mon, you can admit it.”
Frank, a 54-year-old mountie who has protected Trudeau for 30 years, shrugged and mumbled. He maneuvered himself behind the PM and lowered a barbell to his chest. The elected leader of the majority Liberal Party continued to address Frank and the rest of the crowd through bench-press reps.
“…it was Sofia Coppola’s breakout feature, which is really incredible considering its cult status. And Dave, I know what you’re going to say, yeah so what, she’s a Coppola — let me tell you, having a successful father doesn’t mean crap.”
At the end of his set, the son of a prime minister and second iteration of Canada’s greatest political dynasty suddenly sat up, shooting skeptical looks at everyone.
“You guys seem pretty quiet today. What’s with that?”
Cory, 33, the latest addition to the Trudeau detail, spoke up. “Yeah, totally. I totally think that I know exactly what you mean.”
At this, the leader of our nation and defender of our rights and freedoms wiped sweat from his brow and tossed the towel at Cory’s feet.
“Who the fuck asked you, Cory!”