Trump threatens sanctions over cold Canadian air

New York — Marty Rubin once wrote, “To keep a warm heart in winter is the real victory.” However, there’s no love lost by Donald Trump when it comes to Canada’s cold winter temperatures.

As residents of the Maritime provinces try to stay warm today in -30°C wind chills, the American president-elect is waging a war of words over the wintery winds. Donald Trump took to Twitter today to warn Canada to keep their cold winter weather on the northern side of the border — “or else.”

In the tweet, Trump wrote that Canada is using its weather to act out against the United States for electing him. He accused Canadians of attempting to punish America by sending the Arctic wind chill over the border into the northeastern states, calling the encroachment “unacceptable.”

This tweet is the latest in a number of 140-character foreign affairs statements from Trump. The president-elect’s habit of late-night tweeting about sensitive international relationships is causing concern on the world stage. Last week, China’s state-run news agency condemned Trump’s use of Twitter, saying that his “obsession with ‘Twitter foreign policy’ is undesirable.”

Since last November’s election, Trump has made infamous statements regarding China, Russia and Taiwan, but until today Canada has been spared the wrath of his social media presence. When asked, Canada’s Minister of Foreign Affairs had no comment. However, Gabe Hillfups from Environment Canada did not pull any punches when asked how Canada could direct the wind chill toward the United States.

“That’s not how it works, that’s not how any of this works!” spat an exasperated Hillfups. “We’ve all seen American meteorologists talk about ‘cold Canadian air’ coming down into the U.S., but it’s all tongue-in-cheek. It seems as though the president-elect has accepted it as science — but more importantly, he believes that normal weather patterns are an external aggression against the United States. This is nuts!”

Trump spokesperson Kellyanne Conway appeared on television this morning, calling Meryl Streep “obviously Canadian given her comments at the Golden Globes” and saying that Streep should be deported “back to Fredericton, wherever the hell that is.”