Unearthed transcripts reveal Labour minister Don Arseneault failed high school math

Fredericton — After the Liberal government erected billboards across Canada boasting about New Brunswick’s supposed 3,000 vacant jobs — and Training and Labour Minister Donald Arseneault said he’s “not worried about that number not being accurate” — The Manatee decided to do a little digging to find out the truth.

CBC’s Robert Jones revealed that the 3,000-job claim did not add up, as this figure included duplicate and reposted ads, counting these positions as separate vacancies; many of the jobs counted were already filled before Christmas. What we found after a quick call to Dalhousie Regional High School was that Arseneault not only failed math, but failed miserably.

“Donald was not what you’d call one of our brighter students,” said principal Marion McKnight. “The transcripts I’m looking at here show that he failed Grade 9 and 10 math, and got a D in grades 11 and 12… he must have cheated off the student sitting next to him. So if the province is relying on him to add up job numbers, we’re in a pretty sorry state. I’m not even certain he can count.”

We emailed Arseneault and to ask him how the Liberals arrived at the number 3,000.

“To say we have 3,000 available jobs in New Brunswick is… fairly accurate,” he replied. “First I counted each New Brunswicker, then I subtracted the ones who already have jobs, then I multiplied that number by the number of jobs Brian Gallant promised to create… let’s see… then I just did some long division until I got distracted, and somehow ended up with 3,000. No, I didn’t show my work. I never got the point of that.”

Our reporter spoke with Gallant about the jobs claim.

“My main man Don usually does all the math, counting, figuring shit out — you know, all the boring stuff. I was always more of a gym guy, not a nerd. I’m the face, he’s the brains. Together, this province is in good hands.”