Walmart reduces clothing line to strictly pyjama pants in response to consumer demand

Moncton — Sometime over the past decade frequenters of Walmart have, in their passion for comfort, made a noticeable shift from stylish but practical stretch-jeans, to mustard-stained sweatpants and Crocs. This has led to a drastic and final plummet into pyjama pants and whatever combination of available footwear New Brunswickers find in their immediate frame of view before heading out to their favourite department store.

“Essentially, we got to a point where, as a business, we had to address the fact that our regulars are not interested in getting dressed in the morning,” said Eric Bourgeois, Walmart’s regional manager for New Brunswick. “We need to be realistic about the lifestyle and demands of our everyday shoppers, and at this point in history, regular pants just aren’t in the cards.”

Pyjama1Bourgeois continued, stating that since 2012 they’ve literally not sold a single pair of pants in New Brunswick stores, excluding pyjamas.

“I can’t tell you why things took such a turn. Maybe the rumour of the world ending in 2012 was the final straw and people just gave up trying altogether. Who knows. But when we crunch the numbers, it’s very clear that our everyday customers are not in the market for clothing that requires complex actions such as buttoning or zipping.

“Simply put, if it doesn’t have a drawstring, it doesn’t sell.”

Manatee staff interviewed customers entering the Plaza Boulevard store to hear what they had to say about the chain’s decision to discontinue regular clothing.

“I honestly had no idea the Walmart even carried dress-up clothes like jeans or track pants,” said longtime customer Eric Steeves. “I guess I don’t go to a lot of dances or weddings, you know, special stuff like that where you’re supposed to wear a nice pair of denim or matching shoes. I don’t care about being fancy or making a statement so I just wear whatever I wore to bed.

“I don’t see what’s wrong with that.”

It quickly became apparent after more than a dozen interviews with customers that they have truly lost the desire to aesthetically appeal to other human beings in daily life. But this may be a blessing in disguise for the multinational corporation as it plans to expand their pyjama-pants section to include a vast array of styles, patterns and textures appealing to a growing demographic that has transcended the need or desire to wear actual clothing.