Oromocto — New Brunswick woman Mylie Keenan, 36, is always selling her old crap on Facebook Marketplace. Today she outdid herself by posting an ad for a stained, falling-apart bra with its underwire poking through the seam for the low price of $2.
The bra in question is greyish, its straps stretched out, the sating pilled and linty, and its hook closures mostly broken from use.
“I just want to see what kind of interesting people I’ll meet with this ad,” said the Oromocto resident. “I’m quite lonely and Marketplace is a great way to meet new people — the kind of unique characters who buy used underwear from strangers on the internet.
“And maybe if I sell enough things I can start relieving my Christmas debt,” she added, rifling around in her closet for more knickknacks to photograph and share online.
Strangely, Keenan is not the only person selling utterly useless garbage on the internet.
“I posted a kids’ book with some pages missing for a dollar just this morning, and a chewed-up dog toy for 25 cents,” said Minto father Jeff Langley. “Honestly I just don’t want to stand up to throw it in the trash. If someone’s willing to come get this shit, they’re probably the kind of person who’ll walk right up to me on the couch to hand me the change.”
Both Keenan and Langley have had several bites from nutjobs who have no problem driving for an hour and spending $20 in gas to paw through people’s refuse. Some New Brunswickers, though, consider Facebook Marketplace to be basically a loony bin.
“Who the hell wants to talk to this person, arrange to meet her way out at her house at a time that’s convenient for her, to buy something that should have been thrown in the trash in 2008?” exclaimed Frederictonian Olivia Burton. “I always found it weird enough that they sell underwear at Value Village and places like that, but now people really have no shame — they’re selling their soiled unmentionables using a Facebook account with their real name and contact information! What a world.”
Our reporter checked out Keenan’s ad.
“It’s two bucks, firm. Or best offer. I don’t really care, I just want to talk to you about when you can come to my house and look at my old undergarments. It’s a 34B but anyone from an A to a D could probably wear this bra because it’s got such a weird shape after 15 years of wear and tear. Come and get it!”
At press time, dozens of local weirdos had replied to the ad, hoping to buy the bra.
“Heck yeah — I’m going to at least go look at it,” said local crazy person Angela Matthews of Tay Creek. “I have nothing going on so I might as well spend my day driving around to buy things nobody needs. It’s practically free! I mean…as long as you don’t consider your time to be worth anything. And I sure don’t!”