Moncton — All 138,496 people residing in the of city of Moncton are reportedly needing a little a time off their feet today following a wide range of activities that have left the city collectively out of breath. Sources say after all residents of the southern New Brunswick metropolis partook in a number of apparently strenuous and exhausting deeds such as ascending a flight of stairs, walking across a room and standing up too quickly, they are seemingly in dire in need of taking a moment to sit and catch their breath.
This brief, but supposedly much-needed break for the winded residents of Moncton has left visitors to the area patient, if not mildly frustrated.
“I was like ‘okay, well take your time I guess,’” said Halifax man Steve Dorman in response to a Subway restaurant worker who suddenly required rest and several gulps of Sprite amidst making the visitor’s sandwich. “I’m not sure what would cause someone to get breathless after stuffing meat and vegetables into a bun, but than again I’m not from here,” he said.
“We’ll be fine in a minute,” said Moncton Mayor George LeBlanc, while mopping sweat from his forehead. “Just give us a minute.”
As of press time Moncton locals are slowly getting to their feet and resuming normal activities, but are advising visitors in the area that they may need to sit down again.
This is happening in Fredericton, too. While posting this, I had to stop and rest my eyes and catch my breath 3, oops, nope now 4 times.
then*
You think that’s bad? I took a trip down to Campbellton, and nearly fainted due to how many options I had.