Gagetown — Over the past few weeks, training exercises at Base Gagetown have ignited three fires, leading to incredibly poor air conditions in the area. Oddly, among residents, opinions of the fires seem to vary.
“Huh,” said one dopey-looking teenager, his reddened eyes darting around nervously. “Is there smoke? I didn’t notice.”
Not everyone is this ambivalent, however.
“I think it’s actually pretty cool,” said local resident Kent DeLillo. “It gives us a little taste of L.A., if nothing else.”
DeLillo is referring, of course, to the deadly wildfires that have been spreading across Northern California lately. Some people in the surrounding area have taken to the notion that these fires make Gagetown much more like the City of Stars. Many have even started calling the area “Little Hollywood.”
“Oh, I think it’s positively dandy!” said 74-year-old Margaret Wiener. “I feel like a celebrity!”
With an earnest smile, she took a hearty sniff of the air. She then keeled over, coughing uncontrollably. She looked up at the reporter, her eyes full of tears and mucus dripping from her nose.
“See? Just like Natalie Wood.”
Hoping to capitalize on this notion, one eager Fredericton filmmaker set up his camera in the forest area to shoot his Blair Witch-style horror film. He died of smoke inhalation shortly afterward, so it’s hardly worth mentioning.