New Brunswick — In an effort to create jobs and stimulate the struggling New Brunswick economy, the Liberal government is in the final stages of legalizing the sale of marijuana, though it will still be illegal to use the product.
A source from inside the Liberal party spoke with The Manatee on the condition of anonymity. “We need to create jobs now, and this is a viable way to do so without upsetting the large percentage of the population that is still against the use of recreational drugs. We will continue to prosecute the use of the drug, and in fact we’re proposing to impose huge fines to those caught using.”
Our source also told us the government plans on selling the drug based on the same laws that it has in place for the sale of alcohol, the only difference being the fact that marijuana will be illegal to consume. “We’re hoping to open 25 to 40 locations over the next 2 years that will be legally allowed to sell marijuana and associated paraphernalia. We anticipate this will create hundreds, if not thousands of jobs for the people of New Brunswick. Every location could easily employ 10-20 workers, then there’s distribution, production, and we will also be increasing our numbers within the RCMP and local police departments to be able to meet the increases of marijuana-related charges. This is a huge step forward for our province and will undoubtedly create a massive surge for our depleted economy.”
Local residents were mixed on this initiative. “I don’t like the thought of the government controlling my pot, man,” said a local man who refused to provide his name. “I think they’ll be using it to control us. They’ll put something in the buds so they can read our thoughts or something like that.”
Victoria Bird, a self-described casual pot-smoker, was all for it. “I think it’s a great idea to be able to purchase it in a safe environment. I mean, it’s illegal to use now already and nothing ever happens, so I doubt that’ll change much. It will be just another thing the cops turn their heads at, like jaywalking or shoplifting.”
The new regulations are sure to spark heated debate among the citizens of New Brunswick, and could very well serve as a platform by which the rest of the country can build its own marijuana legislation.