New Brunswick — New Brunswickers have long lamented the fact that while other provinces get a Family Day statutory holiday in February, they have to drag themselves into work to answer emails, hold meetings, serve food and clean floors, just like any other Monday.
This week, though, the Government of New Brunswick announced that after careful consideration and input from key New Brunswick businesses, the province will begin celebrating an “Employers’ Day” in 2018.
“Most New Brunswickers are pretty grateful to have a job; whether it’s a six-month minimum-wage contract or 15 years of loyal service, we all appreciate the generosity employers show to let us give them our time and labour in exchange for their money,” said Premier Brian Gallant. “To show just how grateful we are to be employed, we’ll have an ‘Employers’ Day’ where people will work the whole day for free as a special way of saying thanks to their bosses.”
“These corporations do so much for us that we feel we owe it to them,” explained Minister of Post-Secondary Education, Training and Labour Donald Arsenault. “They give us a purpose in life: an identity, a way to make small talk when someone you just met asks you what you do for a living.”
Most New Brunswickers have met the announcement with joy that rather than having a paid day off, they will have the chance to give a little back to their employers for once.
“I don’t mind giving over the majority of my time on Earth to some faceless mega-corporation — even retiring late with massive debt doesn’t bother me, because I know I helped some numbers somewhere go up by one percent or something,” beamed a proud Jacob Mutch of Hartland, N.B.
“Some people might think that’s depressing — the thought that we spend all our time in service to a company that has no lasting impact on the world or the universe. Me, I’m just happy to give my boss a quick grin and a thumbs-up every few hours so he know that no matter what’s going on, I will always do as he asks.”
Mutch, and others like him who try to take as few sick days as possible each year, have taken it upon themselves to convince any naysayers of the new holiday that Employers’ Day is worthwhile and beneficial for New Brunswick.
“If I hear any chat around the water cooler that people would rather take a day off than work for free, I’ll quickly jump in with some good-natured ribbing about the complainers being lazy,” said Mutch.
“My jokes tend to go over pretty well, so I’ll definitely be able to change some minds that way, and even boost morale around the office.”
A trusted source at Irving Oil reports that a new refinery will be built in Belledune, N .B. due to the availability of highly qualified tradespeople, Jimmy the janitor says the Energy East Pipeline will make this a reality, a good news story in an otherwise gloomy economic forecast,,,,,